*stuck in Marvin's Room*

I don't think I'm conscious of making Monsters out of the Men that I crush on till it all goes bad.... but shit its all good. 

 Talk to me please don't have much to believe in. I need you right now, are down to listen to me? Too many drinks have been given to me. I got some Grown Men that's cheating with me. Payed for my flights and hotels I'm ashamed. Bet that you know them I won't say no names. After a while Boy they all seem the same. I know this all seems so strange, I'll explain ... I'm having a hard time adjusting to fame

She Ripped the Words Straight from My Heart

Confessions: Part 1

I feel like I’m searching for Love… but all I find is Lust.

That’s my fault though. I got some issues with trust.

It’s not that I don’t trust them… I really just don’t trust myself

Seems like every time I get close I just sabotage myself

Like the Good Dude I met from the Bay

He really tried to save me but I just kept getting in the way

He gave this Woman almost everything she could ask for

Respect, Trust, Security and so much more

A couple superficial things kept clouding my view

I just want you to know that when I’m all alone I still think of you

So I closed off my heart and Blocked out my mind

Decided to find someone to occupy my time

But when I met him, I was convinced we were meant to be

Turns out all he wanted was my body, but that was cool with me

I didn’t have the energy to give him my mind

So instead I gave him the pleasure of my slow grind

Fucking the shit outta some other Woman’s Man

But wait.. Yo they were separated Ya’ll understand

And once I really Fucked up and had too much to drink

Made a dumb ass decision, didn’t bother to think

Longing so bad for a little intimacy

My fault Houston the fault is on me

Too many nights filled with shot after shot

I kept telling myself to slow down.. But damn I forgot

And it’s not like the liquor erases my memory

It helps make my issues even more clear to me

The pain… I know that’s something real

Don’t have to second guess like this other shit I feel

“I don’t need love just take me shopping”

“Pay a few bills and we can get it popping’

And what’s funny is I don’t even need their money

But I wanna take from them like they be taking from me

But I’m smart enough not to confuse love with lust

I know I’m just new pussy and he just wanna bust

Ol dude flew my across the country just to taste my shit

He keep selling pipe dreams… but I know he aint shit

At the end of the day, it’s still all my fault

This is my virtue and I need to protect my vault

But I’m feeling like my conscious is fucking with me

One day its strict the next it runs free

As I pour out my soul and confess my sins

I’m still not rid of the deception within

I’m as we speak planning one trip more

To escape reality with a Man that’s spoken for…

Day Dreaming....

I keep having these wet Daydreams. 

No matter where I am.

They just creep into my mind at the most random times.

The triggers vary... smells, taste, music and of course sight.

I literally catch myself squirming in my seat.

My legs crossed, clenched tight and holding on for dear life. 

It feels like I'm holding an orgasm prisoner and its trying to break out.

Sometimes I ride this impending orgasm like the waves of the Ocean.

I fantasize about mind blowing sex in public places.

Backseat of the car in the parking lot of a busy Night Club.

Giving head on the highway.

Getting fingered at the table of my favorite restaurant.

In an office at my job

I release my mind

Envision riding some Chocolate Stallion in a Jacuzzi tub

In my mind I come over and over again 

I am breathless

In reality I sit with a sneaky grin on my face

These thoughts are my dirty little secret

And no one as any idea...

"Welcome Back"

I’m staring out the window at this beautiful view of this mysterious city. I feel like it’s just waiting for me to leave my mark. The sun is shining bright, it’s a beautiful day. I’m enjoying the cool breeze that reminds me how far from the desert I’ve traveled. It’s been a 12 hour traveling day for me. From one coast to another, with way too many stops in between. Finally I’ve made it to my destination; A beautiful hotel in the heart of downtown. He carries my 70lbs of luggage upstairs to the room. I immediately open all the curtains and stare out at the city. I find myself in complete awe. Anxiousness creeps over my body, slightly giving me the chills. I feel his hands slowly move around my waist. He starts to nibble on my neck and his embrace insinuates that he misses me. So I ask, “You missed me?” He replies “Of course, did you miss me” I want to say No, but out comes “yea… I did”. “What did you miss?” He asks. I mean what kind of question is that? We haven’t had sex and I don’t love you… so what the hell do you expect me to say? I think quickly and somehow I come up with “I miss your goofy ass making me laugh” which especially in this moment was so true. He is pleased with this answer. He backs up to the bed sits down and sits me on his lap. I feel like a little kid sitting on Santa’s lap, preparing to tell him what I want for Christmas. I guess in a way, that’s what he wants to be… MY Santa Clause. He starts kissing my neck. He then gently lays me on the bed and gets on his knees. My heart begins to beat out of my chest and the butterflies begin their journey flying around my stomach like they’re trying to escape. I get so nervous for a moment I feel like I may actually vomit. He starts kissing my stomach and works his way down my stomach to the top of my black tights. And before I know it, my tights along with my sheer undies have loosely fallen around my ankles. He begins to kiss my inner thigh, teasing and taunting me. I can tell he wants me to ask for him to taste me… but I refuse to give him the satisfaction. After realizing that he wasn’t going to get me to beg, he dives face first in my abyss. Kissing and nibbling me slowly. My tights are restricting my ability to lock my legs around his neck the way I want to, so I kick them off and they go flying across the room. Yes, now I can fully enjoy his feast. I throw my arms back and give him complete control. After a while I can’t take it, I grab the back of his head with both hands and hold on for dear life. In an instant he stands up, pulling me up with him. I’m sitting on his shoulders as he ravishes my body. There’s nothing for me to hold on to except for the flat screen TV mounted to the hotel room wall. All I can picture is me coming… and the TV coming down with me. So I try to brace myself by making fists with both my hands, learning a new balancing act. He keeps me sturdy by holding tightly to my ass cheeks. He apparently doesn’t care if I pull this TV down with me. I try to reach the ceiling but even his 6ft added to my 5ft aren’t enough for me to reach. I start to feel those trembles from the pits of my stomach. My mind wants to beg him to put me down and finish this soon to be intense orgasm in the safety of the King Size bed beneath us. But the freak in me won’t let me. The eroticism of this act is turning me completely on, out, in… every way but off. I begin to buck like I’m riding one of those electric bulls you find in little dive bars. He can feel it coming. He puts me down, lifts my right leg and sucks my second tongue until I convulse. He rides the wave with me until I’m done. I start cursing and calling out to the Lord all at the same time. My legs have formed a WWE choke-hold around his neck. When I finally have control of my body again… I release. My breathing begins to return back to normal. He leans forward and whispers in my ear…. “Welcome Back.”  

Marvins Room

I was sitting on a plane a couple weeks ago having a drink. Well actually a few drinks. Those little nip bottles are so irritating they make you feel like even more of a drinker than you already are, because you have to order at least 3 to get a decent buzz! So I'm on nip number 3 and I'm listening to Drake's "Marvin's Room". I'd been telling myself for weeks that I should write a remix... everybody else has seemed to remix it, so why not? I actually have every version I could find on my phone, so I have them all in rotation as I begin to write, The third verse comes to me first... which is weird. I'm usually a linear writer. Anyway, I get the third verse down then the chorus comes to me and a first verse. After that its like my mind went completely blank. Or most likely I was just tired of sulking and feeling bad for myself. So needless to say the 2nd verse has never been written... and probably never will. If you haven't heard it, first of all what rock have you been under? If not, you can you tube it so you can get a feel for what the song is all about. I will probably just add the video to the blog anyway, because I feel like the song represents how I feel about a certain time in my life. For the life of me I still can't figure out why the song is called Marvins Room???? But without any further ado...

I've been drinking all night
Way too Much Patron
Feeling like I'm wandering
Just trying to find my way home
Yeah I know its been a year now
But I'm still trying to figure out
How the hell we lost touch
Boy I thought we were in love...

Fuck that new girl that you think you love
You just ran to her boy because we broke up
I said, Fuck that new girl you gave your last name
When I heard that news... Well
Damn near went insane

I'm just saying that you can do better
Yeah I fucked up
But I was trying to be better
I'm just saying with me you had better
You know I rocked your world every time we were together
 

(insert verse 2)



Boy that's fucked up
You left me broken hearted
Drinking so much got me acting retarded
Drunk dialing all of the Men in my phone
Just trying to find someone to take me home
Not that I always need someone with me
But tonight I'm tired of being lonely
I'm missing the way
That You used to hold me
So I need someone to come set me free
So tired of being in captivity
I'm screaming for help
Can you even hear me
Keep trying to tell myself I should move on
Everything we had is so dead and gone
But every time I get a cup of Patron
I start to  remember that I'm all alone
I'm in here mixed up
Talking like I'm crazy
Wishing you would pick up
Wishing I could come home
Boy its been so long

Fuck that new girl that you think you love
You just ran to her boy because we broke up
I said fuck that new girl you gave your last name
Swear when I heard that shit I damned near went insane

I'm Back.... I'm Back!!! (written 7/29)

Greetings My Anonymous Audience,

I know it seems that I have abandoned you AND the blog seeing as how I haven't posted anything in months. Well I'm here to say "I'm Back... I'm Back"! I want to say that the reason for my lack of sensual literal deposits into your lives is because I'm just TOO BUSY... unfortunately, that is not the case. Granted I have been EXTREMELY busy the past few months moving and making moves. That is not the only reason. I promised I would always be honest, so here's the truth. I just have been too damn lazy. And frankly uninspired. Not that I've run out of tantalizing tidbits for you. I just haven't had the drive to type them up into entertaining little stories for you to read. So whats different about today? Well for one, my laptop is laying next to me in the bed... staring me down... begging me to tickle its keys. There's this huge rain storm that is making me apprehensive about leaving my room to continue with my Friday night plans.

I was wrapping up a few things from work when I decided to visit the site and see what our traffic was looking like... over 1000 views!!!! That's great, especially since I haven't written anything interesting in a while. So I decided to make myself sit and write!!!! I have quite a few things I want to share with you guys , not sure if they will all make it tonight. But I will do my best to leave you with a few lines from me....

Chocolate Dreams")