When Did Dating Become So Complex?

I was having a chat with one of my best friends in the whole world today. We haven’t spoken in a few months; both of us have been so busy. My career is taking off and work keeps me busy all the time. She recently had her first child so she is acclimating herself to mother hood. After all of the catch up, we inevitably end up at the most discussed topic amongst women…. Our love lives.

We both came to the conclusion that the Dating Game is in a complete state of disaster right now; At least for people in our age group (25-35). Our first question was… Where the hell do I find someone to date? The club… clearly that’s not the best idea. Then you run into the problem of that being the place your significant other wants to be every weekend. Your job? That’s just a recipe for disaster (which deserves its own post)

So let’s say by some miracle of nature you find someone that you like and you guys begin the process. Now you run into the issue of, how often should we talk? If I call or text your everyday, does that make me thirsty? Do I want to hear from you every day? How much interest is too much? What do you want from me? Are you looking for a good fuck? Are you looking for a Wife? Somebody to help you take care of your bad ass kids? Or someone to talk to? I can’t figure out for the life of me why it is so difficult for people to just tell you want they want from the beginning. Why can’t I just say “I like you,” and that be enough? Why can’t we just be two people who enjoy each other’s company and grow from there? When did dating become so complex? Ask yourself when is the last time you’ve been on a date? A REAL DATE! The kind where the man picks you up or fellas you go pick the lady up. You go to dinner, enjoy a good meal and great conversation. Maybe a few drinks afterwards, trying to drag out your time because you don’t want the night to end. Then you have that goodnight kiss and GO HOME. None of that trying to get in bed on the first night, developing a mutual respect for one another. Falling in like with personality not just in lust with looks. Finding yourself excited to talk to them the next day and eager to see them again. Talking on the phone till the wee hours of the morning all the while knowing you have to wake up early , but you don’t care. Finding yourself smiling for no reason just at the thought of them. When is the last time you developed that type of connection with another person?

Why are we so obsessed with the superficial? Men just want to have sex with as many beautiful women with big asses as they can possibly stick their penis in. And women just want to find the richest most famous man around just to fuck him in hopes he’ll pay your phone bill and buy your little bebe kid some Jordan’s. How did we stray so far? What happened that we have removed our feelings and passion from life? When did we become so afraid of being hurt that we stopped trying? How have we learned so well to ignore the innate yearning we have to connect with another human being? Since when did pretending you are to cool to need someone else become… well… cool? When did Men stop chasing and when did Women stop being the hope full romantics we were created to be?

                                                                                                          

3/7/2011

At times we yearn to just feel close to somebody

We auction off our bodies to the highest bidder, in an attempt to feel wanted

We want so badly to connect with another being

To share ourselves

We long for the validation of some one else

Our inner truths scream "LOVE ME"

But we're ashamed of this

We hate ourselves for needing someone so badly

We despise our selves for not being able to give ourselves evertyhing we need

If we must depend on another for completion .... Can it ever be achieved?

Flavor #2 - The Sugar Daddy

Only the lucky girls find these. This guy is usually a considerable amount older than you. He’s the “I need my hair and nails done” guy. He has a great Career and a nice car. Most of the time divorced with kids’ right around your age. He feels old and you make him feel young again. And in return for that great service he pays some of your bills and kicks you cash when your need. The problem with the Sugar Daddy is that his shelf life is short, 9 out of 10 times you don’t want to have sex with him either. So this arrangement will only last so long before inevitably you have to give him some or go.

Flavor #1 - The Dater

I have this theory that most Single Gals need more than one man in their life. Think about it… how is it humanly possible for just one person to give you everything you need? Most men aren’t willing and out of those who are… their means, availability, intelligence or overall sex appeal prevent them from doing so. For the Single Gal, life is like a Baskin Robbins… 31 Flavors and you’re bound to find a few you like…

The DATER:

All Women should have one of these. This is the guy who makes weekend plans with you at the beginning of the week… not the day of. You go to dinner, the movies, live shows, etc… Now he’s usually not your typical “stud muffin”, but he’s not so dreadful that you can’t be seen in public with him. Most of your girls know about him…   but NO ONE in your family does. You enjoy his company, he makes your laugh and even makes your feel special. Problem is… he doesn’t make your panties wet.

Extra Curricular Activites Pt. 3 - The Mistress

And finally we come to the most important … “the Mistress”

This woman can come from anywhere at any time. She does not have a man of her own. In some cases she will want your man for herself, in any smart case… she knows better. This is “the other Woman” in your Man’s life. He is involved in the daily workings of her life and she in his. He pays her bills, takes her out and may even know her family.

            We’ve all seen it in the movies. The bombshell that big CEO Man is cheating on his wife with. He pays for her to have a condo near his office. Unlike you, she keeps her hair and nails done at all times. Her pu-na-ny stays waxed and ready for his visit.  He takes her out for nights on the town. He lies to his family to spend time with her. YES she really does exist. She’s your sister, Hair Dresser, Favorite Cashier at Nordstrom’s. The mistress’ of the world are living, breathing and operating right under your nose. Your Man’s Mistress may even be the girl you see every weekend working concession at your kids Basketball games. She is not made to stand out, she blends in well. That it is her job. She is the Woman that your Man thinks he loves on the days he’s mad at you. In some cases he may even actually love her. They spend QUALITY time together. Talking, eating and making love. He tells her about all the things you do that drive him crazy. In the middle of the night when you are up with a crying baby, he’s laying next to her telling her how he wishes they could run away together. He feeds her with the hope that one day he will leave you. He feeds you with the hope that there is no other “her” out there for him.

This mistress caters to your man. She cooks for him whenever he asks. She does his laundry and sucks his dick without him even having to think about it.  She’s quiet when his phone rings and she never asks whose on the other line. She knows her role and she plays it well. She knows that her one leg up over you is that her sole purpose is to minimize the stress in his life. He goes days without being able to see her and to make up for it she receives lavish gifts on the regular. She has no children, that makes her free and your Man loves that. She reminds him of what life was like before it got real. The mistress knows where you work and the names of all of your children… even the damn family gerbil. Not even because she’s so nosy but because your Man tells her all ya’ll damn business.  He trusts her and opens up to her probably more than he should. He lives with the fear of knowing that she could destroy him at any moment… but he trusts her not to. There is something so crucial that she provides it makes him willing to put his entire life on the line.

A smart Mistress will always want to keep this setup. You (the significant other) at home semi-happy. Your man stuck satisfied between both lives. And her pulling the strings. If the Mistress decides she wants your Man… it could mean you’re in for the fight of your life. If she’s smart… she’ll want you to keep him while she reaps the benefits.

Send the Mistress a Christmas Card because she the reason daddy didn’t leave you this year.

Extra-Curricular Activities pt. 2 "Homie-Lover-Friend"

HOMIE –LOVER-FRIEND
Most often an old girlfriend, friend from the past or business associate. She understands him and listens to him. She’s the one he calls when he doesn’t know what to do with your fussing ass. Every few months, even once a year… they meet up and have hot sweaty sex then they go back to their respective lives. No Strings Attached. 

We all have that Homie-Lover-Friend. The person that we’re attracted to but just know an actual relationship wouldn’t work. This is probably your man’s high school sweetheart , Ex Co-Worker (sometimes even a current co-worker). They are actual friends. He cares about what’s going on in her life, knows her family and they probably have mutual friends. They can have complete conversations without mentioning sex once. Most times this HLF has a man of her own as well. When she needs advice on dealing with her man… she’s calling yours. They know more about each other’s relationships than their significant others that they are in the relationship with. They share a certain comfort level that unfortunately your man will probably never have with you. And every once in a while they meet up for a night of great sex. She knows how to please your man in ways that you refuse to try. They can laugh at each other in the middle of sex and talk shit about out doing the other. For them it’s just sex. A release of pinned up frustrations, a chance to try something new. Afterwards they lay up, usually no cuddling. They can just BE around eachother and that's the main allure about it all . They will spend the night together... wake up in the morning .... and go there seperate ways. Your man will retuned to you freed of some of the burden he's been carying. Relaxed, rejuvinated and ready to continue working through his relationship with you! Send the Homie-Lover-Friend a thank you Card. She just probably extended your relationship a good year!

EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES 101*

 I have this theory that the Mistress (or Side Chick if you must) at times is an integral piece to a successful relationship. WAIT…. Don’t log off. I know you’re thinking WHAT THE HELL IS THIS WOMAN TALKIN ABOUT??? But just bare with me…. I like to think of it as extra-curricular activities. There are 3 types of “Extra-Curricular Activities”

STARBUCKS GIRL

-          Jump Off, Quickie, Most often a One Night stand. She means nothing to him and he would never jeopardize his relationship to keep her.

 

1    When a Man cheats on his Woman it’s extremely rare that the sex will be tied to his emotions. For men, often times its JUST PUSSY. The woman was attractive; she gave him the eye and made him feel a way that his current Woman doesn’t make him feel as often as she used to… WANTED. Ladies Men want to feel sought after too. They may not admit it, but they want to feel that we still think they’re sexy. Every man secretly hopes that his presence still makes his Woman’s panties wet. But, so often as Women, we get used to our Men. Mostly because they get comfortable when they get us and start farting in the bed, shitting with the bathroom door open and walking around in them holey ass draws that we keep begging them to throw away. So eventually we lose the warm sensation that we used to get by just looking at them. And men can tell when this happens. It’s extremely subtle and won’t be the last crack in the foundation, but it very well may be the first. Men already feel like Women don’t want to have sex as often as they do and eventually they get tired of feeling like they have to talk your prude ass into it. So when Starbucks Girl comes along and shows the least bit of attention, your Man is all excited and feeling like a teenager again. That feeling of being wanted drives him to see how far he can really go. It could be the girl who works at his favorite Starbucks, the Secretary in the office, shit even a girl he sees sitting at the bus stop on his way to work every day. As Women we ASSUME a Man will Cheat UP. Meaning find a Woman who’s prettier than us or more successful. But ladies let me clue you in on something. Most men couldn’t care less what the chick does for a living or if she’s a super model. They just want to know if she’s Down To Fuck. So Starbucks girl slips your man her number and it’s on. They chat, she’s willing to talk freaky to him in text messages (another thing you probably won’t do) she sends him naked pictures and before you know it, she becomes his favorite past time. Eventually he goes over her house for a nooner, maybe once… maybe a few times. But it NEVER lasts. He gets it out of his system and continues to go home to your boring ass! You should send Starbucks girl a “Thank You” note… she just kept your man at home.

-to be continued…