The Hour Glass

I do not love you. Not the way you need me too.

The love I have is a selfish kind. Indulged in more for me than it is for you.

I cannot imagine my life without loving you. The thought of it brings such an instant agony it is almost unbearable.

 I do not deserve your love but I crave it more than air. You desire an all of me that is not mine to give.

There are little parts of me left here and there.

I want to gather them all up and give it all to you. I trust you more with me than I trust myself.

I don’t want to leave you, though I know that I must. This is a journey I must make alone if there is any hope of us.

 Whispers of yesterday echo in my mind.

I cannot silence the beckoning.

 It calls me by a name that I used to know.

What I need most is time. But time is so selfishly self-serving it refuses to serve any master. The sand will only fall in one direction and when it’s gone it’s done.

Set me free my love to reclaim my wings.

Leave a trail to remind me of the way home.

Is this love strong enough to light your heart… will it stay burning long enough for me to find my way out of the dark?

Confessions: Part 1

I feel like I’m searching for Love… but all I find is Lust.

That’s my fault though. I got some issues with trust.

It’s not that I don’t trust them… I really just don’t trust myself

Seems like every time I get close I just sabotage myself

Like the Good Dude I met from the Bay

He really tried to save me but I just kept getting in the way

He gave this Woman almost everything she could ask for

Respect, Trust, Security and so much more

A couple superficial things kept clouding my view

I just want you to know that when I’m all alone I still think of you

So I closed off my heart and Blocked out my mind

Decided to find someone to occupy my time

But when I met him, I was convinced we were meant to be

Turns out all he wanted was my body, but that was cool with me

I didn’t have the energy to give him my mind

So instead I gave him the pleasure of my slow grind

Fucking the shit outta some other Woman’s Man

But wait.. Yo they were separated Ya’ll understand

And once I really Fucked up and had too much to drink

Made a dumb ass decision, didn’t bother to think

Longing so bad for a little intimacy

My fault Houston the fault is on me

Too many nights filled with shot after shot

I kept telling myself to slow down.. But damn I forgot

And it’s not like the liquor erases my memory

It helps make my issues even more clear to me

The pain… I know that’s something real

Don’t have to second guess like this other shit I feel

“I don’t need love just take me shopping”

“Pay a few bills and we can get it popping’

And what’s funny is I don’t even need their money

But I wanna take from them like they be taking from me

But I’m smart enough not to confuse love with lust

I know I’m just new pussy and he just wanna bust

Ol dude flew my across the country just to taste my shit

He keep selling pipe dreams… but I know he aint shit

At the end of the day, it’s still all my fault

This is my virtue and I need to protect my vault

But I’m feeling like my conscious is fucking with me

One day its strict the next it runs free

As I pour out my soul and confess my sins

I’m still not rid of the deception within

I’m as we speak planning one trip more

To escape reality with a Man that’s spoken for…

Marvins Room

I was sitting on a plane a couple weeks ago having a drink. Well actually a few drinks. Those little nip bottles are so irritating they make you feel like even more of a drinker than you already are, because you have to order at least 3 to get a decent buzz! So I'm on nip number 3 and I'm listening to Drake's "Marvin's Room". I'd been telling myself for weeks that I should write a remix... everybody else has seemed to remix it, so why not? I actually have every version I could find on my phone, so I have them all in rotation as I begin to write, The third verse comes to me first... which is weird. I'm usually a linear writer. Anyway, I get the third verse down then the chorus comes to me and a first verse. After that its like my mind went completely blank. Or most likely I was just tired of sulking and feeling bad for myself. So needless to say the 2nd verse has never been written... and probably never will. If you haven't heard it, first of all what rock have you been under? If not, you can you tube it so you can get a feel for what the song is all about. I will probably just add the video to the blog anyway, because I feel like the song represents how I feel about a certain time in my life. For the life of me I still can't figure out why the song is called Marvins Room???? But without any further ado...

I've been drinking all night
Way too Much Patron
Feeling like I'm wandering
Just trying to find my way home
Yeah I know its been a year now
But I'm still trying to figure out
How the hell we lost touch
Boy I thought we were in love...

Fuck that new girl that you think you love
You just ran to her boy because we broke up
I said, Fuck that new girl you gave your last name
When I heard that news... Well
Damn near went insane

I'm just saying that you can do better
Yeah I fucked up
But I was trying to be better
I'm just saying with me you had better
You know I rocked your world every time we were together
 

(insert verse 2)



Boy that's fucked up
You left me broken hearted
Drinking so much got me acting retarded
Drunk dialing all of the Men in my phone
Just trying to find someone to take me home
Not that I always need someone with me
But tonight I'm tired of being lonely
I'm missing the way
That You used to hold me
So I need someone to come set me free
So tired of being in captivity
I'm screaming for help
Can you even hear me
Keep trying to tell myself I should move on
Everything we had is so dead and gone
But every time I get a cup of Patron
I start to  remember that I'm all alone
I'm in here mixed up
Talking like I'm crazy
Wishing you would pick up
Wishing I could come home
Boy its been so long

Fuck that new girl that you think you love
You just ran to her boy because we broke up
I said fuck that new girl you gave your last name
Swear when I heard that shit I damned near went insane