Waking at the Westin

*Stretches and yawns* I begin to adjust my eyes to the darkness. The first thing I realize… I have clearly drunk a lot the previous night. Wait is it morning? My vision begins to clear. By the looks of this room… I am definitely at the Westin. I’d recognize this room décor in the dark. Well this is either a good sign or a really bad sign. Waking up in a strange hotel? But hey…. At least it’s the Westin right? Am I alone? A voice from behind me whispers “Are you awake Baby?” Nope, clearly not alone.  I take a deep breath and roll over. Do my eyes deceive me? Am I lying next to the MAN himself? Visions of the previous night begin to hit me like a raging flood.

            A simple business conversation turns into “let’s go to happy hour”. That Happy Hour turns into “Go Home and get dressed, I’ll have my driver wait for you and bring you to the club” A few drinks in the club, relaxing in VIP. He’s no major clubber; he’d rather drink and watch everyone else act a fool. I’m with that plan. We attempt small talk over loud obnoxious music. This is no upscale lounge, we are in Hood City. Nevertheless we are determined to enjoy ourselves. And like a flash of lightning I see a shiny stripper pole beckoning my attention from my right peripheral. The desperate and disillusioned women in this club begin to shake and gyrate in hopes of getting… phone bill money… I suppose. Before I know it, I’m given a $100 bill and instructed to turn it into 100 singles. I am much obliged. I myself am quite a big fan of Women taking off their clothes for money and I have no problem helping “Chocolate Thunder” pay her metro bill. After visiting 4 different Bar Tenders I finally have made this 1 bill into 100 bills. I stuff the money into my bosom as make my way through the thickness of the crowd back to the safety of VIP.  After consuming one more drink he grabs my hand, leads me through what feels like hell for broke people and up to the stage where the stripper pole awaits our 1’s. One hand on my waist… the other continuing to hand me one dollar bills to rub up and down “Chocolate Thunder’s” ass. Keep in mind this is NOT A STRIP CLUB. But hey what do you expect when you have a stripper pole, Hennessy, Waka Flaka Music and a bunch of Horny men drunk and willing to spend all the little money they worked so hard for 2 weeks to get? The crowd is in an uproar. They are elated to see this little Woman (me) making it rain on the biggest ass any of them have probably ever seen in real life. A few of them get out of control and begin to grope MY ass…. Now it’s time TO GO!

We spend some time cuddled in a corner and finally decide leave. He beckons the driver and informs him it’s time to go. I’m instructed to find a hotel. *Siri, find the nearest Westin* 

                           ************ INSERT MEMORY LOSS*************

Yes! It is the MAN that I have awakened to. I peek under the covers. Not naked…. But definitely NOT full dressed. He wraps his arms around me and as I look down I spy a sparkle . I'm reminded of what I already surmised in the back of my mind. We talk about business for a while then its gets personal. Something is genuine in his admissions of his inability to resist me .  After further conversation it is made clear that we did NOT enter into horizontal polka during the night. The relief I felt is indescribable. 

When Did Dating Become So Complex?

I was having a chat with one of my best friends in the whole world today. We haven’t spoken in a few months; both of us have been so busy. My career is taking off and work keeps me busy all the time. She recently had her first child so she is acclimating herself to mother hood. After all of the catch up, we inevitably end up at the most discussed topic amongst women…. Our love lives.

We both came to the conclusion that the Dating Game is in a complete state of disaster right now; At least for people in our age group (25-35). Our first question was… Where the hell do I find someone to date? The club… clearly that’s not the best idea. Then you run into the problem of that being the place your significant other wants to be every weekend. Your job? That’s just a recipe for disaster (which deserves its own post)

So let’s say by some miracle of nature you find someone that you like and you guys begin the process. Now you run into the issue of, how often should we talk? If I call or text your everyday, does that make me thirsty? Do I want to hear from you every day? How much interest is too much? What do you want from me? Are you looking for a good fuck? Are you looking for a Wife? Somebody to help you take care of your bad ass kids? Or someone to talk to? I can’t figure out for the life of me why it is so difficult for people to just tell you want they want from the beginning. Why can’t I just say “I like you,” and that be enough? Why can’t we just be two people who enjoy each other’s company and grow from there? When did dating become so complex? Ask yourself when is the last time you’ve been on a date? A REAL DATE! The kind where the man picks you up or fellas you go pick the lady up. You go to dinner, enjoy a good meal and great conversation. Maybe a few drinks afterwards, trying to drag out your time because you don’t want the night to end. Then you have that goodnight kiss and GO HOME. None of that trying to get in bed on the first night, developing a mutual respect for one another. Falling in like with personality not just in lust with looks. Finding yourself excited to talk to them the next day and eager to see them again. Talking on the phone till the wee hours of the morning all the while knowing you have to wake up early , but you don’t care. Finding yourself smiling for no reason just at the thought of them. When is the last time you developed that type of connection with another person?

Why are we so obsessed with the superficial? Men just want to have sex with as many beautiful women with big asses as they can possibly stick their penis in. And women just want to find the richest most famous man around just to fuck him in hopes he’ll pay your phone bill and buy your little bebe kid some Jordan’s. How did we stray so far? What happened that we have removed our feelings and passion from life? When did we become so afraid of being hurt that we stopped trying? How have we learned so well to ignore the innate yearning we have to connect with another human being? Since when did pretending you are to cool to need someone else become… well… cool? When did Men stop chasing and when did Women stop being the hope full romantics we were created to be?

                                                                                                          

Confessions: Part 1

I feel like I’m searching for Love… but all I find is Lust.

That’s my fault though. I got some issues with trust.

It’s not that I don’t trust them… I really just don’t trust myself

Seems like every time I get close I just sabotage myself

Like the Good Dude I met from the Bay

He really tried to save me but I just kept getting in the way

He gave this Woman almost everything she could ask for

Respect, Trust, Security and so much more

A couple superficial things kept clouding my view

I just want you to know that when I’m all alone I still think of you

So I closed off my heart and Blocked out my mind

Decided to find someone to occupy my time

But when I met him, I was convinced we were meant to be

Turns out all he wanted was my body, but that was cool with me

I didn’t have the energy to give him my mind

So instead I gave him the pleasure of my slow grind

Fucking the shit outta some other Woman’s Man

But wait.. Yo they were separated Ya’ll understand

And once I really Fucked up and had too much to drink

Made a dumb ass decision, didn’t bother to think

Longing so bad for a little intimacy

My fault Houston the fault is on me

Too many nights filled with shot after shot

I kept telling myself to slow down.. But damn I forgot

And it’s not like the liquor erases my memory

It helps make my issues even more clear to me

The pain… I know that’s something real

Don’t have to second guess like this other shit I feel

“I don’t need love just take me shopping”

“Pay a few bills and we can get it popping’

And what’s funny is I don’t even need their money

But I wanna take from them like they be taking from me

But I’m smart enough not to confuse love with lust

I know I’m just new pussy and he just wanna bust

Ol dude flew my across the country just to taste my shit

He keep selling pipe dreams… but I know he aint shit

At the end of the day, it’s still all my fault

This is my virtue and I need to protect my vault

But I’m feeling like my conscious is fucking with me

One day its strict the next it runs free

As I pour out my soul and confess my sins

I’m still not rid of the deception within

I’m as we speak planning one trip more

To escape reality with a Man that’s spoken for…